Why Is This Harmful to Men and Women?

"You throw like a girl."

"Don't be such a girl!"'

Religion

I have had people ask me how my experience with abuse affected my religious beliefs. And I am usually hesitant about responding.

We all know religion is one of those topics that, like politics, can spark resentment, defensivness, and anger. No two people can believe exactly the same thing when it comes to religion, even if they are members of the same religious group. And what beliefs work for one person are not necessarily going to be believable by another.

But I do recognize that my experiences have affected my beliefs. I am not willing to go into depth about my beliefs but I am willing to touch on one main thought that helped to greatly shape my beliefs.

"God had a purpose for what happened to you"

"Everything happens for a reason."

I have a great loathing for these sayings. Even before I knew why, I despised them.

It took me a while to figure out why these sayings made me uneasy. But here it is in a nutshell...

I cannont accept that any omnipotent being, any god or God, would knowingly, willingly cause harm to an innocent child (or adult for that matter). No creator would use sexual, physical, or emotional abuse for any greater cause or means to an end.

Those sayings take the responsibility off my father and place the responsibility in the hands of a higher power. By saying God was involved, it is saying that my father was not the one who raped me or verbally, emotionally, physically abused me and my family. It was God's will.

NO!

My father abused us because he chose to take advantage of the trust that his daughter, wife, and sons had in him. He chose to take advantage of the authority he had as a father and husband.

There was no great, higher purpose to the abuse. My father's purpose was the only purpose present; the purpose to lord power and control over another human being.

The reason abuse happens is because one human being made the choice to abuse.

Simple as that.