Why Is This Harmful to Men and Women?

"You throw like a girl."

"Don't be such a girl!"'

Religion

I have had people ask me how my experience with abuse affected my religious beliefs. And I am usually hesitant about responding.

We all know religion is one of those topics that, like politics, can spark resentment, defensivness, and anger. No two people can believe exactly the same thing when it comes to religion, even if they are members of the same religious group. And what beliefs work for one person are not necessarily going to be believable by another.

But I do recognize that my experiences have affected my beliefs. I am not willing to go into depth about my beliefs but I am willing to touch on one main thought that helped to greatly shape my beliefs.

"God had a purpose for what happened to you"

"Everything happens for a reason."

I have a great loathing for these sayings. Even before I knew why, I despised them.

It took me a while to figure out why these sayings made me uneasy. But here it is in a nutshell...

I cannont accept that any omnipotent being, any god or God, would knowingly, willingly cause harm to an innocent child (or adult for that matter). No creator would use sexual, physical, or emotional abuse for any greater cause or means to an end.

Those sayings take the responsibility off my father and place the responsibility in the hands of a higher power. By saying God was involved, it is saying that my father was not the one who raped me or verbally, emotionally, physically abused me and my family. It was God's will.

NO!

My father abused us because he chose to take advantage of the trust that his daughter, wife, and sons had in him. He chose to take advantage of the authority he had as a father and husband.

There was no great, higher purpose to the abuse. My father's purpose was the only purpose present; the purpose to lord power and control over another human being.

The reason abuse happens is because one human being made the choice to abuse.

Simple as that.

Selt Care 01

Recently I went on a Self Care Adventure.

First I got accupuncture-d. And as he was sticking me with needles in I thought, "What am I doing, I hate needles!" And even though in the end I decided accupuncture is not for me, I have to admit (after I got over the fear) I did feel relaxed.

After the accupuncture I lounged and meandered around a park. There's nothing quite as satisfying as sitting in damp grass, watching preschool-aged children clumsily discover the world while old homeless men play card games on the fringe of the park.

A few days later my husband, Tyler, and I got hot stone messages together. Oh my! I am sold on the hot stone message! Having never gotten a message neither one of us knew what to expect. But it felt so nice being pampered AND uber relaxing. We were jello for the rest of the day.

Tyler and I also went up to the mountains for leasurly walks and bat watching at night (I love bats). Paying so much attention to nature somehow feels like I'm paying attention to myself.

While I'm talking about self care, I want to add one more thing I like to do, for myself. If you have never been to the blog, Cute Overload, I highly suggest it. If ever you're feeling down, gotten sick of seeing all the bad news on the news, or had a horrible day at work, Cute Overload will put a smile on your face and an electric blanket lovingly around your heart.

Life Changes Pt 3

If you have read any of my previous blogs you know that I legally changed my last name.

Well for quite some time, I've noticed that when I see my full name written out, in my head I've been saying simply, "Ma'at." And when I gave that some time and thought, I realized that I feel like Ma'at and not Monica. Ma'at is the name I would prefer people to call me.

So when CCS hired me and I came to the "Employee Information" paperwork with the question that asked, "What would you prefer to be called?" I decided to write "Ma'at."

That was 9 months ago and since then everyone at work has been so great! Everyone calls me Ma'at. When I told my non-work friends about this, they have all been so great about calling me Ma'at.

My mother-in-law says it's like I've been giving birth to a new me all these years and finally Ma'at is here. I feel like there is truth in that.

Life Changes part 2

I've been volunteering for some time at the Center for Community Solutions as a speaker. At first I was speaking to CCS's volunteers about my experience with abuse. But this past summer I volunteered for thier speaker's bureau. This expanded my venues. Not only did I speak at the trainings but also at schools, the community, and even a juvinile facility.

While working at Ralphs I was able to stock the shelves at night and then do presentations and tabling events about once a week.

Then three months ago CCS offered me a paid speaker position in thier Prevention and Education department. For five years I dreamed of making speaking out against abuse my career. It is my passion.

I quit Ralphs that day.