We all know religion is one of those topics that, like politics, can spark resentment, defensivness, and anger. No two people can believe exactly the same thing when it comes to religion, even if they are members of the same religious group. And what beliefs work for one person are not necessarily going to be believable by another.
But I do recognize that my experiences have affected my beliefs. I am not willing to go into depth about my beliefs but I am willing to touch on one main thought that helped to greatly shape my beliefs.
"God had a purpose for what happened to you"
"Everything happens for a reason."
I have a great loathing for these sayings. Even before I knew why, I despised them.
It took me a while to figure out why these sayings made me uneasy. But here it is in a nutshell...
I cannont accept that any omnipotent being, any god or God, would knowingly, willingly cause harm to an innocent child (or adult for that matter). No creator would use sexual, physical, or emotional abuse for any greater cause or means to an end.
Those sayings take the responsibility off my father and place the responsibility in the hands of a higher power. By saying God was involved, it is saying that my father was not the one who raped me or verbally, emotionally, physically abused me and my family. It was God's will.
NO!
My father abused us because he chose to take advantage of the trust that his daughter, wife, and sons had in him. He chose to take advantage of the authority he had as a father and husband.
There was no great, higher purpose to the abuse. My father's purpose was the only purpose present; the purpose to lord power and control over another human being.
The reason abuse happens is because one human being made the choice to abuse.
Simple as that.
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1 comment:
hi ma'at,
i found these links in facebook.
i love this blog you have going.
i wanted to comment on this one post,
since i do believe in god and i have heard these sayings.
'everything happens for a reason' and the even worse, 'god had a purpose for what happened to you'.
you made a very insightful comment about religion being different for everyone, even when people are from the same group. i totally agree! i go to church when i can, and even when you find a church that you agree with you always hear things that go against your personal feelings or beliefs. i always love it when people believe different things though, because it promotes discussion which helps you grow as an individual.
i grew up hearing a similar saying to the one you wrote...'god had a purpose for what happened to you'. just one letter difference, but the meaning changes entirely.
what i always learned was that god 'has' a purpose. and the way it was taught to me was that god didn't wish, nor did he cause the event which happened....but instead he takes that event and then often makes something beautiful out of it.
the reason i am commenting on this post, which i very rarely do, is that i have felt that way about you often. you had this horrible thing happen to you. that your father absolutely caused, and you made something beautiful out of it. you are helping people. it is so wonderful and i admire you for it. most people would want to bury this in the past and try to move on, but you are not only open and honest about it, and face it straight on, but you counsel others!
it must be so incredibly rewarding!
where the saying comes in to play is...i guess i feel like god saw this opportunity and possibly showed it to you in some way. helping you take a horrible experience and use it to help yourself and others.
i always have felt that god lets people have the choice to do anything they want, good or bad, and doesn't intervene, but that he gives you choices and presents opportunities in peoples lives, and hopes we take the best path.
does that make sense?
i actually have a friend who is around our age who has the same sad story. i wonder if i should connect the both of you. she is an amazingly beautiful soul...but she hasn't found a way to completely heal. maybe that isn't possible, i don't know. but maybe you could help her, too.
xoxoxo
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