Effects and Recovery #1: Self-Mutilation (Conclusion)

On February 11th I wrote about self-mutilation and my struggle with picking at the skin around my nails. Previously I worked on making it a thing of the past by taking it one finger at a time. But almost two months ago I decided to quit cold turkey with the last three fingers that I still picked at.

Success!

I feel I can safely say that I no longer pick at my fingers. That survival mechanism from my past helped the child that I was live in the constant chaos of abuse. But it served me no good as an adult. And I am proud to say I no longer use it as relief from stress. I have much healthier habits at my disposal. Like...

Take a warm bath
Taking deep breaths
Leaving the stressful situation, if appropriate
Singing/humming a favorite song
Smiling
Talking about what is bothering me, out loud with someone I feel safe with
Playing video games, as a momentary escape
Cuddling and playing with my pets
Going to the beach

The list goes on and on. The key is for me to be kind to myself, doing my favorite things, as long as they do not harm me emotionally, mentally, or physically.

What I Need in a Counselor

One of the ways I sought recovery was to go to counseling. Whether I am going to group or individual counseling, over the years I’ve learned a few things about what I need from counseling in order to get the most from the experience.


I need to stand up for myself, establish my needs, and set my goals

Because I am the client

I need a counselor who doesn’t tell me what I should do

Because that’s called being controlling

I need a counselor who will listen to me and ask questions so I can come to my own answers

Because what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for someone else

I need a counselor who understands the value of what they are doing and will get help for themselves when they need it

Because a counselor who never gets counseling, is like a dentist who never goes to the dentist

I need to move-on, to a new counselor or something else, once I feel I have gotten everything I can from the sessions

Self-Improvement

Without self-improvement, I sit in my own shit.